Marriage is for Men or Women

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!
----------------------------------------------------------------- An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
----------------------------------------------------------------- Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
----------------------------------------------------------------- Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
----------------------------------------------------------------- I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
----------------------------------------------------------------- A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
----------------------------------------------------------------- Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
----------------------------------------------------------------- Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring ---wedding ring ---suffering.
----------------------------------------------------------------- When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
----------------------------------------------------------------- Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
----------------------------------------------------------------- I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
----------------------------------------------------------------- I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
----------------------------------------------------------------- We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
----------------------------------------------------------------- My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
----------------------------------------------------------------- She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"
----------------------------------------------------------------- Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get married.
He says "the wedding rings look too much like miniature handcuffs....."
----------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
----------------------------------------------------------------- A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled, "It really works!"
----------------------------------------------------------------- Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
----------------------------------------------------------------- It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
----------------------------------------------------------------- A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
----------------------------------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful.
----------------------------------------------------------------- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
----------------------------------------------------------------- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
----------------------------------------------------------------- When a man is single, he's incomplete.
When he's married, he's finished.
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